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The "Book"
Each post below is a separate chapter. Read them all, and you have read the whole book.
My goal is to get this story out to as many people as possible while I navigate the morass of self publishing an actual touchable book or e-book. As such, I've posted the entire manuscript here broken up by chapters. Please take time to provide feedback.
Don't want to read it as separate posts?
Click on the PDF icon below to download the whole story as a PDF document:
If you know someone going through a cancer journey, or those caring for those going through the journey, please refer them to this page. https://www.enemyhasaname.com/blog
Enjoy,
Kevin
Prologue to this "Book"
This book began as a series of updates. At first, the updates were practical. People wanted to know what was happening, and I needed a way to tell them without repeating the same information dozens of times. A diagnosis creates a kind of communication emergency. The phone rings. Messages arrive. Family members want the latest numbers. Friends ask whether the treatment is working and whether there is anything they can do. Everyone wants to help, but no one wants to overwhelm t
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 13 min read
Part One - Entering the Valley
Chapter 1 The Call That Changed Everything Early on July 5, 2025, a Saturday morning, my phone rang. I did not recognize the number, so I did not answer. Persistent telemarketer, I thought. This was not an unreasonable assumption. My phone receives a steady stream of calls from people who want to renew my duct cleaning, improve my internet, sell me something I do not need, or inform me that my computer is infected with a virus. The irony of that last category would become mor
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 113 min read
Chapter 2 - The Enemy Has a Name
Leukemia was now part of my vocabulary. Not exactly the word I had been hoping to add that week, but there we were. The doctors were waiting for the final biopsy details. They knew enough to begin planning, but not yet enough to identify the precise form of acute leukemia. One possibility was acute promyelocytic leukemia, or APL, a subtype requiring immediate treatment because of its associated risks. The other was acute myeloid leukemia, or AML, which had a different treatme
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 102 min read
Chapter 3 - The Project of My Life
As a strongly introverted Enneagram Type Five and Myers-Briggs INTJ, my personality is wired to gather information. This is a polite way of saying that when something happens, I want to understand it, categorize it, compare the options, identify the risks, and build a spreadsheet. It also means I am often more comfortable observing than participating. I can remain emotionally detached while I analyze a problem, which is useful when solving complicated issues and less useful w
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 94 min read
Part Two - Induction and the Long Wait
Chapter 4 Treatment began with activity once I was admitted. There were tests, medications, explanations, machines, and people moving in and out of the room. Chemotherapy gave the days an obvious purpose. Something was being done to destroy the leukemia. Then the visible work ended. The chemotherapy had been delivered, but I could not go home. My blood counts had to fall, the damaged cells had to clear, and my bone marrow had to begin rebuilding. Much of the next stage involv
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 84 min read
Chapter 5 - Not Comfortable, but Comforted
Nearly two weeks after entering Juravinski, the rhythm of treatment had settled into tests, pokes, medications, and documentation. I drank fluids and recorded them. I expelled fluids and recorded those too. The hospital had an impressive commitment to record-keeping. When someone is receiving intensive treatment, even ordinary bodily functions become data. Input mattered. Output mattered. Temperature, blood pressure, weight, and oxygen levels mattered. Dignity, I discovered,
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 75 min read
Chapter 6 - The Front Door
After nearly a month in hospital, I was going home. Those words felt almost too large to trust. The blood factory had restarted enough for the doctors to discharge me. No one was suggesting that treatment was finished, but I had recovered sufficiently to continue elsewhere. That elsewhere was home. I had imagined walking out of the hospital with triumphant music playing in the background. Reality was quieter. There were medications, precautions, follow-up appointments, sympto
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 63 min read
Chapter 7 - Between Rounds, Between Certainties
The next question was whether induction had accomplished its purpose. My counts had recovered enough for discharge, but recovery from chemotherapy and remission from leukemia were not the same thing. The medical team needed to look for evidence of disease. Once again, there was a result I wanted and no way to produce it through effort. I could attend appointments, cooperate with tests, ask questions, and pray. I could not change what the test would find by worrying more effec
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 44 min read
Chapter 8 - When the Caregiver Needs Care
Serious illness creates roles quickly. One person becomes the patient; another becomes the caregiver. The labels are useful, but they conceal as much as they reveal. “Patient” does not describe everything happening inside the person receiving treatment. “Caregiver” does not begin to describe everything being carried by the person beside the bed. Throughout induction, Leslie had been one of the strongest people in the room. She listened, remembered details, asked questions, co
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 33 min read
Chapter 9 - Three Storms at Once
Cancer did not arrive in an empty life. I thought I was standing in one storm. It turned out I was standing in three. Leukemia was the obvious storm and, strangely, the easiest one to understand because it had a plan. There were medications, treatment cycles, blood tests, transfusions, and specialists. My mother’s declining health formed another storm. A separate family situation formed the third. Some parts of those stories are not mine alone to tell. Illness does not cancel
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 24 min read
Chapter 10 - Grief and Blood Gifts
October 6, 2025 My mother died today. Mom received the exit she wanted. It was peaceful. She was surrounded by family and friends, with jokes and stories continuing to the end. Her body was frail, but her spirit rallied. I was grateful she could leave in the way she hoped, even as I began processing the complicated pieces of our relationship. Grief with Mom was not simple. I loved her. Our relationship also carried history, expectation, disappointment, humour, tenderness, and
Kevin Pashuk
Aug 12 min read
Part Four - Choosing the Hard Road
Chapter 11 The Fork in the Road October 27, 2025 I went into the appointment expecting a neat bow on this chapter. Apparently, bows were not on the menu. The doctors recommended that we fully explore a stem cell transplant. The leukemia markers of any residual disease were very low, but they were not gone. Combined with other medical factors, transplant appeared to offer the best long-term chance of preventing relapse. I was disappointed. I would also do what was best. Those
Kevin Pashuk
Jul 312 min read
Chapter 12 - The Road to Transplant
The road to transplant involved more than agreeing that transplant sounded reasonable. Every significant medical concern had to be examined. Although a prostate biopsy had been negative, the doctors remained concerned about a mark on my prostate. A PET-PSMA scan offered another way to investigate it. Financial approval was not automatic. Without it, I might have needed to travel and pay privately. While Leslie and I were meeting with the doctors, approval came through. One mo
Kevin Pashuk
Jul 303 min read
Part Five - New Blood
Chapter 13 The Transplant A stem cell transplant is both a medical procedure and a long process of surrender. The cells arrive in a bag and enter through a line. From the outside, the moment can appear surprisingly ordinary. But the surrounding days involve conditioning treatment, immune suppression, medication, infection precautions, and the deliberate creation of space for donor cells to take root. My existing immune system had to be subdued. The donor cells had to enter. T
Kevin Pashuk
Jul 292 min read
Chapter 14 - The Isolation Inn
After transplant, I moved to what I called the Isolation Inn. It was actually a pleasant Hamilton hotel, but my name felt more accurate. I needed to remain close to Juravinski while avoiding germs and viruses. My immune system had been intentionally suppressed and was only beginning the slow process of rebuilding. An infection that would inconvenience a healthy person could become dangerous to me. Isolation was not an overreaction. It was part of treatment. Protected and Sepa
Kevin Pashuk
Jul 282 min read
Part Six - Recovery Is Not a Straight Line
Chapter 15 Fifty Days February 2026 These days felt like a long voyage in a sailboat. Progress was the plan. A report of “nothing to report” was good news. Hospital visits gradually became less frequent, and the possibility of going home began to feel real. I still had to be careful. My immune system was immature. Fatigue cycled unpredictably. Standing too quickly caused dizziness. One evening, after sitting for a while, I stood and felt blood rush away from my brain. Normall
Kevin Pashuk
Jul 272 min read
Chapter 16 - When Recovery Refused the Plan
March 12–25, 2026 Recovery was not a straight line. It was more like a wandering road with potholes, scenic overlooks, sudden detours, and the occasional: “How did I end up on the floor?” In March, a dormant virus stirred. A rash appeared and was identified as graft-versus-host disease. I developed mouth sores, blistered lips, exhaustion, and swelling in my throat. The complications seemed determined to cover every possible location. The front. The back. The undercarriage. Th
Kevin Pashuk
Jul 262 min read
Part Seven - Day 100 and Beyond
Chapter 17 The Sentence That Let Me Breathe April 14, 2026 Day ninety-six. Almost there. I was tapering steroids, which was good because they had turned me into a ravenous teenager. There were no snacks in the cupboard and no leftovers in the fridge. I underwent another bone marrow biopsy, pulmonary testing, and chimerism bloodwork. The gas tank remained small, but the doctors were pleased. Then the bone marrow report arrived. At first, I misread the title of the document as
Kevin Pashuk
Jul 252 min read
Chapter 18 - Gifted Days
By May, clinic visits had become less frequent. My counts were in a good range for my stage of recovery, and my kidneys were happy again. That is an official medical diagnosis, at least in my book. I had gone from approximately thirty pills a day to six or seven. It felt like clearing a small pharmacy from the kitchen counter. The Battery Meter The biggest challenge was not expecting more from my body than it could give. I was stronger. The battery still drained quickly. Peop
Kevin Pashuk
Jul 242 min read
Chapter 19 - The Eagle
June 1, 2026 There is a long-running observation that if you go somewhere without a camera, you will immediately see something that makes you regret the decision. I went out for Vitamin N—the nature vitamin—and decided not to bring my good camera. Then, in a moment of not thinking, I left my phone at home too. I reached one of my favourite trails beside a local creek and immediately saw a bald eagle being chased by a red-winged blackbird. The eagle behaved as though the angry
Kevin Pashuk
Jul 231 min read
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